This is the first half (yes, the first half) of Friendship FAILS that i decided to write about. The ones i'm sharing today are ones I've recently experienced within the past month or so. I can only speak on these types of friends because I've either encountered some on my own, or have been witness to these types of friendships. The solution i'm giving you? DUMP THEM AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. But hey, that's just me. If a certain person pops up in your head when you read these descriptions, question is: why are you still friends with them? Is it really worth all of that effort and extra therapy you're going to need? Yeah, didn't think so. And if you're one of these friends, i suggest you come correct before you're left on the curb with a box full of memories and a boot to your behind...
#1 - The COMPETITOR friend (a.k.a.- the frenemy)
This "friend" could probably do amazing things with their life...if they weren't so obsessed with trying to one-up you on yours. They turn any act of living or hanging out into a competition that they're the only ones competing in. They see what you have or what you get and the switch goes of in their head to be a complete nutcase and try to ram it down your throat that they are capable of getting or being the same thing the same way. In fact, they like to befriend those who they think offer less than they do to the table so the feeling of superiority triumphs everytimes. When it doesn't? You're the target of insubordination. They will belittle you or attempt to make you out to be less than you are all because your act of stuntin' urks the crap out of them for doing it better. Be warned: these are the sabatogers. When you need a pick me up or a confidence boost, maybe an act of reassurance, they won't bite the line to save your ass from deep waters. Your failure is their success if they see you as enough of a threat.
This "friend" could probably do amazing things with their life...if they weren't so obsessed with trying to one-up you on yours. They turn any act of living or hanging out into a competition that they're the only ones competing in. They see what you have or what you get and the switch goes of in their head to be a complete nutcase and try to ram it down your throat that they are capable of getting or being the same thing the same way. In fact, they like to befriend those who they think offer less than they do to the table so the feeling of superiority triumphs everytimes. When it doesn't? You're the target of insubordination. They will belittle you or attempt to make you out to be less than you are all because your act of stuntin' urks the crap out of them for doing it better. Be warned: these are the sabatogers. When you need a pick me up or a confidence boost, maybe an act of reassurance, they won't bite the line to save your ass from deep waters. Your failure is their success if they see you as enough of a threat.
#2 - The SUPERFICIAL/SELF-ABSORBED/NEVER THERE friend
Now THIS is a deadly combination. Like...just terrible. But I have someone like this in my life, unfortunately. When someone feels themself just a little past TOO MUCH, to the point where if you tell them they're superficial and just don't care and ask them to give a crap about someone else for two seconds and they fail at even attempting, then something is wrong and they officially need counseling. This one is practically a no-brainer. Some friends just think of themselves before any other human specimen. If you’re tired of a friend is so selfish that it drives you nuts, haul out the boot. It's not that they won't give a damn about you from time to time, but chances are...they truly can't, because they're so preocuppied with dedicating all the damns in the world to them and materialistic things. This person is more likely to drain every bit of patience from you. They don't take the time to listen or concern themselves with your needs when you really need them to, and are just a nicer version of the competitor. The only difference is that they're in constant competition with themself and can't even pay attention to anyone they've sidelined. Unfortunately, with these shallow barbie dolls, what you see is what you get because, YES, they're that DENSE and see through. They're lives revolve around appearance and what others perceive more so than that of a 13 year old girl. They lack any substance (other than their concealer) and truth is, can't really add much value; if anything, taking away value is what they specialize in. Anyone who is too busy being in love with themselves will never have time to love anyone else. Proven fact.
Another thing to remember, these superficial friends are not ride or die. When things aren't about them looking good or keeping up appearences, they're up and out. That's why the self-absorbed "friend" can easily become the "Never There". My self-absorbed "friend" used to just be all about her and her clothes and her hair and being a priss. Until she became a priss that was never available. She can easily post photos about her outfits and finger nails and head bands and crap that is just so irrelevant to life; she can tweet to her following (all of 12 people) her witty words that she thinks makes her sound cute and clever; she can keep up phony perception by calling those who support her materialistic and fake ways; but, she can never be reached in time of crisis. UNLESS, she wants to hear your weekly wrap ups....so she can finally tell you hers without looking suspect. But you do superficial chick, you do.
Now THIS is a deadly combination. Like...just terrible. But I have someone like this in my life, unfortunately. When someone feels themself just a little past TOO MUCH, to the point where if you tell them they're superficial and just don't care and ask them to give a crap about someone else for two seconds and they fail at even attempting, then something is wrong and they officially need counseling. This one is practically a no-brainer. Some friends just think of themselves before any other human specimen. If you’re tired of a friend is so selfish that it drives you nuts, haul out the boot. It's not that they won't give a damn about you from time to time, but chances are...they truly can't, because they're so preocuppied with dedicating all the damns in the world to them and materialistic things. This person is more likely to drain every bit of patience from you. They don't take the time to listen or concern themselves with your needs when you really need them to, and are just a nicer version of the competitor. The only difference is that they're in constant competition with themself and can't even pay attention to anyone they've sidelined. Unfortunately, with these shallow barbie dolls, what you see is what you get because, YES, they're that DENSE and see through. They're lives revolve around appearance and what others perceive more so than that of a 13 year old girl. They lack any substance (other than their concealer) and truth is, can't really add much value; if anything, taking away value is what they specialize in. Anyone who is too busy being in love with themselves will never have time to love anyone else. Proven fact.
Another thing to remember, these superficial friends are not ride or die. When things aren't about them looking good or keeping up appearences, they're up and out. That's why the self-absorbed "friend" can easily become the "Never There". My self-absorbed "friend" used to just be all about her and her clothes and her hair and being a priss. Until she became a priss that was never available. She can easily post photos about her outfits and finger nails and head bands and crap that is just so irrelevant to life; she can tweet to her following (all of 12 people) her witty words that she thinks makes her sound cute and clever; she can keep up phony perception by calling those who support her materialistic and fake ways; but, she can never be reached in time of crisis. UNLESS, she wants to hear your weekly wrap ups....so she can finally tell you hers without looking suspect. But you do superficial chick, you do.
#3 - The FLAKY friend
This person. *sigh*. This person is absolutely one of the worst to deal with. They start off okay, but they slowly but surely begin to annoy you to death and become downright undependable. This friend can range from making plans and constantly bailing out, or just being there sometimes but not when needed. This friend will stalk your life with text messages, emails, calls, etc., claiming how much you guys should hang and how much they love you. She plans these elaborately annoying get togethers and yet at the last minute, BAILS on you, after you've moved nearly earth, pluto and mars trying to accomodate her desperation to see you. If you had a d*** they would probably hop on it; that's how much they cry "besties!" yet never deliver on the words they sell. I've encountered this friend a few times, but fail to remember who these people were because I'm obviously not with them anymore. While they're out making plans and crying BFF to everyone they meet, i'm out living through the plans i've made with people i actually give a flying F about. But the other type of FLAKE is the worst kind of flake there is. They're not as absent as the "never there" friend, but in my opinion i'd rather have someone I know just won't be there for me, than someone I expect to be there or think may/may not be there, and isn't. Now don't confuse this with the "fairweather" friend, the friend who is there when all goes well, but when things go bad they're nowhere to be found. This flaky friend is someone who could be a noble friend (so you thought) and is usually there. Could even have made it to temporary ride-or-die. But you realize when you need them most, or when you put out the most care for them, they're somebody completely different. They pull a "Somebody that i used to know" on your ass and transform into someone you can't depend on; which you won't know whether to find funny or sad because 3 hours prior they were the PB to your J. HMMM. That's sketch. We don't do sketch, shiesty, shady, or suspect, because if we do, chances are, we're not friends. A friend should be there right beside you when you're happy, sad, tore up, fucked up, or dolled up. When you flake out on someone, you're not their friend and are well on your way to being a fairweather friend, or known as the one with empty promises. Don't be THAT girl. If you claim you're ride or die for someone, then be rie or die whenever. If you claim you want to hang on to your friendship with someone, take the necessary steps. Don't be the girl who talks about it but isn't about it. Because when you flake, those who don't give a damn sure won't be welcoming your sometimes-ish ass back with open arms.
This person. *sigh*. This person is absolutely one of the worst to deal with. They start off okay, but they slowly but surely begin to annoy you to death and become downright undependable. This friend can range from making plans and constantly bailing out, or just being there sometimes but not when needed. This friend will stalk your life with text messages, emails, calls, etc., claiming how much you guys should hang and how much they love you. She plans these elaborately annoying get togethers and yet at the last minute, BAILS on you, after you've moved nearly earth, pluto and mars trying to accomodate her desperation to see you. If you had a d*** they would probably hop on it; that's how much they cry "besties!" yet never deliver on the words they sell. I've encountered this friend a few times, but fail to remember who these people were because I'm obviously not with them anymore. While they're out making plans and crying BFF to everyone they meet, i'm out living through the plans i've made with people i actually give a flying F about. But the other type of FLAKE is the worst kind of flake there is. They're not as absent as the "never there" friend, but in my opinion i'd rather have someone I know just won't be there for me, than someone I expect to be there or think may/may not be there, and isn't. Now don't confuse this with the "fairweather" friend, the friend who is there when all goes well, but when things go bad they're nowhere to be found. This flaky friend is someone who could be a noble friend (so you thought) and is usually there. Could even have made it to temporary ride-or-die. But you realize when you need them most, or when you put out the most care for them, they're somebody completely different. They pull a "Somebody that i used to know" on your ass and transform into someone you can't depend on; which you won't know whether to find funny or sad because 3 hours prior they were the PB to your J. HMMM. That's sketch. We don't do sketch, shiesty, shady, or suspect, because if we do, chances are, we're not friends. A friend should be there right beside you when you're happy, sad, tore up, fucked up, or dolled up. When you flake out on someone, you're not their friend and are well on your way to being a fairweather friend, or known as the one with empty promises. Don't be THAT girl. If you claim you're ride or die for someone, then be rie or die whenever. If you claim you want to hang on to your friendship with someone, take the necessary steps. Don't be the girl who talks about it but isn't about it. Because when you flake, those who don't give a damn sure won't be welcoming your sometimes-ish ass back with open arms.
#4 - The DARK CLOUD friend
That b**** is depressing AF. If someone just popped into your head, congrats! you have a dark clouded depression filled person that you call friend. To them, they can't catch a break. To them, their friends hate them. Their parents hate them. Their dog hates them. You hate them. Boys hate them. Nature hates them. Life just...hates them. If you feel like you have to mentally prepare yourself to be around this person for the day, then guess what? Chances are, you should've stopped being friends with them the minute the meer mention of their name caused you to frown and think of starving kids in Cambodia. It's your job as a friend to build them up from time to time. It is NOT, however,your job to prop them up and walk and talk and poop out rainbows for them to get through one day without crying or feeling alone or dank and depressed. No. It's not okay. Every time you rebuttle with something positive, they refute it with another negative statement. Truth is, if it's a 24/7 job to cheer them up, if you expect them to be insta-depressed from something so minor, if you have to bring a tub of ice cream tot heir constant pity-party, they like dwelling in the misery they create. All the breaths and words you spent on them are forever in wasteland. They don't want your help, they want your pity. They've convinced themselves they just want an understanding friend; but, if they're too enveloped in unneccessary sadness to take the time to live life focusing on the things and people that matter, they don't want to focus on those things at all; they're not even trying. They get a sort of sick, twisted sense of affirmation and significance when someone is there to constantly tend to their every insecurity and doubt. They cant convince themselves that their world isn't horrific, so they need someone else to reassure them. Again. And again. And again. If they need that much damn reassurance, it's a mental instability and their perception needs to change on their life's outlook. You, my friend, are not certified to do that. Soooo suggest a therapist or start charging $250 an hour to tolerate the complaints.
That b**** is depressing AF. If someone just popped into your head, congrats! you have a dark clouded depression filled person that you call friend. To them, they can't catch a break. To them, their friends hate them. Their parents hate them. Their dog hates them. You hate them. Boys hate them. Nature hates them. Life just...hates them. If you feel like you have to mentally prepare yourself to be around this person for the day, then guess what? Chances are, you should've stopped being friends with them the minute the meer mention of their name caused you to frown and think of starving kids in Cambodia. It's your job as a friend to build them up from time to time. It is NOT, however,your job to prop them up and walk and talk and poop out rainbows for them to get through one day without crying or feeling alone or dank and depressed. No. It's not okay. Every time you rebuttle with something positive, they refute it with another negative statement. Truth is, if it's a 24/7 job to cheer them up, if you expect them to be insta-depressed from something so minor, if you have to bring a tub of ice cream tot heir constant pity-party, they like dwelling in the misery they create. All the breaths and words you spent on them are forever in wasteland. They don't want your help, they want your pity. They've convinced themselves they just want an understanding friend; but, if they're too enveloped in unneccessary sadness to take the time to live life focusing on the things and people that matter, they don't want to focus on those things at all; they're not even trying. They get a sort of sick, twisted sense of affirmation and significance when someone is there to constantly tend to their every insecurity and doubt. They cant convince themselves that their world isn't horrific, so they need someone else to reassure them. Again. And again. And again. If they need that much damn reassurance, it's a mental instability and their perception needs to change on their life's outlook. You, my friend, are not certified to do that. Soooo suggest a therapist or start charging $250 an hour to tolerate the complaints.